Choosing your groomsmen might seem like just another item on your wedding checklist, but it’s actually a meaningful step in your journey to the altar. After all, these are the guys who've had your back through thick and thin, and now, they'll stand by your side for one of the biggest moments of your life. But how do you pick the right crew, and how do you ask them in a way that feels special? This guide has you covered.
TIMING IS EVERYTHING
The question of when to choose your groomsmen often arises shortly after the engagement excitement settles. While there's no strict timeline, starting your selection process eight to 12 months before the wedding provides everyone with adequate preparation time. This extended timeline becomes particularly important when considering travel arrangements, custom suit orders, and the pre-wedding events that might take place. It also gives your chosen groomsmen time to budget for their expenses and arrange their work schedules.
How to Choose Your Groomsmen
As you consider who you want to ask to be groomsmen, start with the relationships that have shaped your life. Your brothers, both biological and soon-to-be brothers-in-law, should probably form the foundation of your wedding party. Beyond family, consider those childhood friends who've remained steadfast through the years, college roommates who became lifelong confidants, and cousins who feel more like brothers. Colleagues who've transcended the workplace to become true friends might deserve a place in your wedding party, too.
But friendship alone shouldn't be your sole criterion. Consider the reliability and commitment level of potential groomsmen. The ideal candidate should be responsible enough to handle pre-wedding duties, financially capable of participating in wedding-related events, and mature enough to represent you well during the festivities. They should also be available for key events like the bachelor party and rehearsal dinner.
The size of your wedding should also influence your selection process. While there's no requirement to have equal numbers of groomsmen and bridesmaids, a balanced wedding party often creates more harmonious ceremony aesthetics and simplifies planning logistics. Consider how your choices will complement the overall scale and style of your celebration.
MAKING THE ASK
The way you invite your groomsmen can create lasting memories that set the tone for your entire wedding experience. Local friends would probably appreciate individual meetups that reflect your relationship, possibly a morning coffee, an evening of craft beers, or a round of golf. Your invitation will be even more meaningful if you talk about their importance in your life when you ask them stand with you on your wedding day.
For long-distance friends, technology offers wonderful opportunities to maintain that personal touch. You can create a memorable moment with a thoughtfully planned video call despite the physical distance. Or, send a carefully curated care package with a personal invitation for an element of surprise.
Transparency about expectations will be important when you extend your invitations. Have an open discussion about estimated costs, including suits, travel expenses, and bachelor party contributions. Share anticipated time commitments, such as fittings, rehearsals, and pre-wedding events. Your prospective groomsmen will appreciate the chance to make informed decisions, and being upfront will help prevent awkward situations down the road.
AFTER THEY ACCEPT
Once your groomsmen have accepted their roles, you’ll need to maintain clear communication through your wedding day. This is another situation where technology can be your friend. Establish a group chat or communication channel where everyone can stay informed and connected. Use it to share important dates, deadlines, and wedding planning updates. The ongoing communication will help build excitement and allow everyone to feel involved in the journey to your big day.
Also important, remember to express your appreciation frequently. Your groomsmen are investing their time, money, and energy into making your wedding day special. Regular acknowledgment of their efforts and support goes a long way in maintaining positive relationships throughout the planning process.
COMMON PITFALLS TO AVOID
Wedding planning often comes with social pressures and obligations, but don't let these drive your groomsmen selections. You're not obligated to include someone just because you were in their wedding party, nor should you feel pressured to add members simply to match the number of bridesmaids. These decisions should reflect your genuine relationships and desires for your wedding day.
Ultimately, you want to choose individuals who bring positive energy to your celebration and who will stand by you as you begin this new chapter in your life.
The Bell Tower on 34th, one of Houston’s leading wedding venues with a chapel, is committed to helping recently engaged couples realize their wedding vision.
Our venue, a short drive from downtown Houston, is designed to provide seamless transitions from ceremony to cocktail hour to wedding reception.
Contact us to schedule a visit.
The Bell Tower on 34th
901 W 34th St, Houston, TX 77018
(713) 868-2355
Thank You Gifts That Actually Land
Your groomsmen bought a suit, took a day off, and stood next to you while you said the biggest sentence of your life. The thank you gift should acknowledge the role, not just the day.
The most appreciated gifts are the ones they will use again: a quality pocket knife or multi-tool engraved with the date, a good weekend duffel, a set of drink glasses, or a watch worn at the wedding and ever after. Personalize lightly, an initial and the date, so the gift stays something they reach for instead of something they shelve. Pair every physical gift with a handwritten note; one honest paragraph about what their friendship has meant outperforms any object.
Hand out the gifts at the rehearsal dinner or while getting ready, not at the reception, so you are present for the moment. And match the gesture to the person: the same flask for all eight groomsmen is efficient, but the gift that mentions the actual thing each man did for you is the one that gets kept.
Groomsmen Photos Beyond the Lineup
The classic groomsmen lineup is fine, but the photos your friends actually share are the candid ones. Build a short shot list for your photographer so the morning produces more than a row of crossed arms.
Getting ready makes the best material: lacing shoes, adjusting ties on each other, sharing a drink, reading your note from your partner. Recreate something real, the group photo from years ago, the pose from your fantasy football draft, or the same corner booth where you all celebrate. Give the photographer one prop moment, sunglasses, a cigar box, the team jersey, and then get out of the way; staged chaos photographs worse than real laughing. Finish with one serious portrait of the group in full attire, because in twenty years that is the one you will frame.
Budget ten minutes for the candid set and five for the formal, and your groomsmen photos will outperform any hour-long Pinterest pose session.