Even in today’s era of email, texting, and social media, there’s something to be said for messages written on real paper. This is particularly true when it comes to thank-you notes, which not only brighten recipients’ day but also do some good for those who write them.
The benefits of handwritten thank-you letters actually was the subject of a psychological study led by Amit Kumar, assistant professor of marketing at the McCombs School of Business at The University of Texas in Austin, in collaboration with Nicholas Epley, professor of behavioral science at The University of Chicago Booth School of Business.
“Saying thanks can improve somebody’s own happiness, and it can improve the well-being of another person as well—even more than we anticipate, in fact,” Kumar said. “[Writers] think about things like, ‘Am I going to get the words just right and am I going to be articulate?’ That might be a barrier to actually sitting down and writing the thing. But when you’re the recipient of something like a gratitude letter, you tend to evaluate things on the basis of warmth and prosocial intent. As long as somebody’s expression is sincere and warm and friendly, recipients are often going to have a very positive reaction to that.”
We hope the knowledge that both writing and receiving notes of appreciation are beneficial will give you comfort as you look ahead to working on your wedding thank-yous.
(By the way, thank-you card etiquette calls for a separate note for your wedding shower gifts and the gifts you receive at your wedding. It’s not a good idea to combine them.)
In case you’re still a bit apprehensive about your note-writing marathon or wondering what you should say, we also have some basic guidelines and tips for you.
A Simple Structure
Wedding etiquette expert Elaine Swann, founder of The Swann School of Protocol, told Brides magazine that all a thank-you note requires are a few simple elements between the opening (Dear Aunt Sandy) and the sign-off (Love, Olivia).
Thank the recipient for what you’re grateful for, whether it’s a gift, a guest’s presence at your wedding, words of encouragement, someone who lent a hand, or all of the above.
Say something about what you’re grateful for: possibly why you’re excited about the luxurious towels you received or how much it meant to you that the person you’re writing to helped you mail invitations or create reception centerpieces.
Of course, you can add more thoughts if you’d like, but ultimately, being sincere will be more important than being lengthy.
One of the best ways to make people feel appreciated is to work details in your notes. Avoid generic statements like “Thank you for your generous gift.”
Here’s an idea for a special touch: Enclose some photo booth shots of you and your new spouse in the envelope.
“Make sure they (note recipients) know you are talking about their gift,” a Love & Lavender blog suggested. “For example, ‘Thank you for the wok, our nightly stir-fry meals taste so much better!’”
An exception to this guideline: thanking people for their cash gifts.
“Whether they gave you a $20 gift or a $200 gift, all should be treated equally and you should never ever, ever mention the amount (ever.) within your message,” online bridesmaid dress shop Kennedy Blue wrote in a recent blog.
Pro tip: If you know one of your guests gave you something, but there’s some confusion about which gift it was, write a note thanking them for attending your wedding. Tell them how much you appreciate them for celebrating your special day with you.
Thank The Ones Who Helped Make Your Wedding Successful
While this is not mandatory if you appreciate the businesses that helped make your big day unforgettable, go ahead and thank them, too.
We recommend a short note that highlights how they stood out, whether you appreciated the thoughtful service that your wedding venue provided or the photographer that went the extra mile to ensure amazing images.
You also can express your gratitude by writing positive customer reviews using the same approach. Comment on what made your experience positive.
Organizational Tips
One way to make your note-writing more manageable is to develop a system for keeping track of who gave (or did) what and who you’ve written to so far.
This strategy should begin with how you open your gifts.
“We know that opening gifts, especially in bulk, can be such an exhilarating experience that the instinct is to tear through them,” Jaimie Mackey and Alyssa Lapid wrote in an article for Brides.
“But we recommend being methodical and taking note of each gift as you open it to avoid losing or mixing senders' info.”
Mackey and Lapid also suggested taking a photo of each gift as you open it to help you write about it more specifically in your note.
Some couples find it helps to create a simple thank-you note spreadsheet to keep the details you’ll need in one spot and make sure none of your intended recipients slip through the cracks.
“Add a column to your spreadsheet to take note of what gift was given,” Jesse Long wrote for the wedding website and app, Joy. “You can also add an extra column to add any other notes or special things you want to mention.”
Better Late Than Never—It’s True
If life gets in the way of sending prompt thank-yous, don’t panic. And don’t assume it’s too late to send them, even if a year or more has passed since your wedding.
That said, we know that the more time that passes after your wedding day, the more daunting the note-writing becomes.
A blog by Postable recommended a multi-pronged strategy.
-Make a mental commitment to getting the notes written.
-Choose your note cards or stationery.
-Block off writing times in your calendar…And
-Get those notes written.
If your notes are late, Postable added, add an apology between initial words of thanks and your sentence(s) about the gift (and/or action) you’re writing about.
“Don’t take this opportunity to write a novel about how busy life has gotten being married and all or how sorry you are that the notes are late,” Postable said. “Mention it once, and move on. Nobody wants to read a long-winded apology in their thank you note. Keep your apology short and sweet—just like the rest of the message.”
Remember: You’re Sharing Joy
We know writing large volumes of thank-you notes is time-consuming, but this act of kindness will be remembered and appreciated long after you’re done.
And, as we mentioned, you’ll probably experience some warm fuzzies yourself.