You’ve been in a loving, long-term relationship. You think of your boyfriend as your best friend. You’ve established trust. You communicate well. But, that marriage proposal you’ve been waiting for hasn’t materialized for some reason.
If you’re wondering how to encourage your man to propose, we have some advice that can help.
Have an Honest Conversation
You may have been dreaming about a dramatic surprise proposal, and a romantic moment like that very well could be in your future. But the same kind of open communication that helped build your relationship—and that will be critical for a successful marriage—is needed now. It's reasonable to expect to discuss marriage before a proposal takes place.
It is important to be sure that you and your guy are on the same page about marriage in general. Even if you're in a healthy, loving relationship, your man may not feel ready for marriage yet. Getting married may not even be something he sees as an eventual goal.
Talk about it. Does he see marriage in your future? Does he want children? Does he have concerns about his own life or personal finances that are holding him back from making a lifetime commitment?
Share your thoughts, too. Is marriage a goal? Do you want to take your husband’s last name after you wed? How do you envision married life? Do you want children?
Ask him to share his personal goals and his goals for your relationship. Make it clear you're not trying to pressure him or give him an ultimatum.
(By the way, when you're having this talk, we encourage you to keep the focus on your relationship goals; avoid getting into how you envision your wedding day, wedding venues, or other details related to wedding planning.)
Getting to That Conversation
That said, some relationship experts suggest taking a light touch to your initial conversations about your future.
In an interview with Elite Daily, dating expert Anita Chlipala suggests easing your partner into heavy-duty relationship discussions by “starting small and casual,” possibly sharing some of your personal goals, maybe about your ideal job or about where you’d like to live one day.
You can weave these thoughts into conversations when it makes sense. One approach might be to make observations about your parents’ marriage and things you hope to emulate—or do differently—one day.
Talking During an Activity Might Ease the Stress
When you're ready for a more in-depth conversation about your relationship, Chlipala suggests combining it with a casual activity like a drive or walk. "Sometimes, guys do better with conversations when they're side-by-side with their partner versus a face-to-face sit-down," Chlipala told Elite. "Start positively, saying things you love about your partner and what you appreciate about them."
Respect Your Partner's Perspective
Maybe your partner does want to be married, but he doesn't feel the timing is right, possibly because of a career, financial, or personal reason. Or, maybe he just doesn't want to commit to marriage. If you invited him to safely share his feelings and goals, be true to that. You've been working on building trust and encouraging ongoing conversations about your relationship: Don't undo those efforts. In other words, don't lash out; be respectful of his feelings. Give yourself time and space to figure out how you want to respond.
On the other hand, maybe marriage is a shared goal. In that case, here are a few more things to consider.
If Possible, Spend Time with Married Friends
It can be helpful to enjoy time with happily married friends. Try to plan double dates with them, or invite them over for dinner. Seeing that they’re happy might encourage your boyfriend and make moving toward marriage less intimidating.
Impress His Family
Work on developing a good relationship with your partner's family. Seeing that you get along might make him feel more comfortable about your shared lives together—and his parents or siblings might even encourage him to propose.
Make It Clear You're Ready for Marriage
Please note, we're not talking about announcing that you're ready for a proposal or looking forward to your wedding. What we're saying is, if you feel confident that your partner is in a good place for marriage and is ready for the ongoing commitment and work that go into a life-long relationship, help him see that you are, too. For one thing, it will help if he sees that you're not just gunning for him to propose or pinning your happiness and future on getting married. You are a person with your own life, your own interests, your own friends, and your own goals. So help him realize that. Talk about your outside interests, goals, and passions.