In 2020, when BuzzFeed asked readers to share their most awkward wedding moments, the responses ran the gamut, from a case of uncontrollable laughter during a couple’s ceremony to a flying shoe. One person even had a tale of accidentally setting her veil on fire as she attempted to light a unity candle.
We’re not mentioning this to worry you, only to make the point that life happens, even during weddings.
The good news is that a less-than-ideal moment doesn’t have to dampen the joy of your big day. If an awkward moment does occur, you’ll be among many couples who’ve encountered similar situations.
We’d like to help. Below, we’ve listed some of the most common causes of wedding embarrassment, along with our suggestions for getting through those moments.
Someone wrongly assumes they are invited.
This is one of those awkward moments that probably will take place before or after your wedding. If a friend or colleague asks when they should plan to attend your wedding—or why they didn’t get an invitation— begin the conversation by telling them you appreciate the fact they want to be there for you.
In an interview with Brides magazine, etiquette expert Heather Wiese-Alexander suggested explaining the number of people you could invite was limited.
Then make plans to meet for dinner, or something you typically enjoy together, after the wedding planning is through, Wiese-Alexander said, and thank them for being a part of your life.
Your flower girl or RING bearer does not want to walk the aisle.
Maybe you’ve planned to have a child in your ceremony, a flower girl or ring bearer, and when the moment comes, they refuse to cooperate or have a tantrum.
Don’t try to force them to participate—Just move forward with your ceremony without them. Have their parent or a close relative on call to watch them and bring them to the ceremony once the child is calm.
Guests are late to the ceremony.
This is a job for ushers, or designated volunteers to handle. They can stand at the venue entrance as the ceremony takes place and help late arrivals find seats when the timing is right. (Be sure to talk in advance so you’re all on the same page when it comes to appropriate times to seat late guests.)
A guest drinks too much at the reception.
This is not necessarily a situation where you should confront the guest. A good bartender should be able to help, though it might be worthwhile to have a conversation with them in advance about how you’d want over-imbibing handled. You also can enlist help in advance from your venue, a trusted family member, or even line up security.
An unexpected guest attends.
We encourage you to touch base with your venue and caterer in advance about their policies for unexpected guests. They probably will be willing to accommodate these situations for an additional charge. Generally, it is not good etiquette to turn people away—unless the unexpected guest’s presence is likely to lead to tension or a conflict with other family or friends. If that’s the case, this is another situation where you can ask a planner, security, or a trusted family member to take charge of the situation.
A phone rings at the wrong time.
In this era, a ringing phone is a fairly common wedding occurrence. In most cases, your officiant will be prepared to make a joke and keep the ceremony moving when the theme song to a guest’s favorite TV show starts playing in the background.
There’s a dance music glitch.
Every now and then, a DJ or band will play the wrong song for your first dance. The best thing to do is politely ask them to switch to the song you had in mind. If there’s a problem, WeddingWire suggests winging it and focusing on having fun. If you planned to present a choreographed dance, you can always ask the DJ or bandleader to get the correct song ready and announce your special moment later in the reception.
A toast goes wrong.
Maybe a speaker has started sharing TMI about an ex-partner, or the best man cracked an inappropriate joke. The best response is to laugh, smile, and keep the moment positive. Your guests will follow your cue. If someone’s toast starts running too long, your bandleader, DJ, or emcee can offer a silent signal that their time is up.
Guests Don’t Like Each Other
Not everyone that you want at your wedding necessarily wants to spend time with one another. Your guests could include, for example, two people who used to be a couple, relatives who aren’t on great terms, or people who just rub each other the wrong way.
Good communication can help here. Speak to guests who may have issues with other guests in advance. Assign them to different tables at your reception so they can avoid one another. And, if possible, ask a trusted neutral guest to be on call to try to step in to diffuse drama before it can start.