It’s an iconic image: A little girl walking along a wedding aisle moments before the bride appears.
Flower girls add elements of sweetness and charm to the wedding ceremony. Maybe that’s why the tradition of including them has been such an enduring one.
Having a flower girl in your wedding is completely optional and depends on your unique circumstances and vision for your day. If the idea of a flower girl does appeal to you, there are some steps you can take to create a positive experience for her, your guests, and you.
Here are our suggestions.
Flower Girl Basics
Basically, a flower girl’s job description is to be adorable. Usually, flower girls walk along the aisle before the bride, tossing flower petals along the way to the altar.
After completing her walk, the flower girl can sit with her family, which should be seated near the front where she can see them. If your flower girl is older, you can invite her to remain standing with the bridesmaids.
Age recommendations for this young member of your wedding party range roughly from 3 to 8. Most importantly, the flower girl should be old enough to understand, and carry out, her duties. If you want a particularly young girl to participate, younger than 3, you can always recruit a helper to carry them or walk them down the aisle.
Fun fact: The tradition of flower girls at weddings goes back centuries. Early flower girls often carried bunches of wheat or herbs and sprinkled herbs along the path the bride would be walking. The wheat and herbs symbolized fertility for the married couple.
Selecting a Flower Girl
Couples who have a flower girl in their wedding usually choose a child that one or both of them are close with—or the child of a close friend or family member.
If you go this route, and you have a girl in mind, talk with her parents about the possibility of including the girl in your wedding. Discuss what the flower girl’s role entails, for both her and her parents. Her parents, for example, will need to talk with her about what to expect and buy her an outfit. The flower girl also, in many cases, attends the rehearsal dinner, creating another commitment for her family. You may be planning to hold a wedding after-party, which would mean a longer day or evening of celebrating (should the family decide to join you). What we’re saying is, be sure the parents feel like being a flower girl will be a positive experience for their daughter.
Creative Options
While we tend to assume flower girls will be sprinkling the aisle with flower petals, there’s nothing written in stone about that.
If your venue frowns upon throwing items on the aisle, arrange to have your flower girl simply carry a bouquet—or any number of creative alternatives. Possibilities include a pinwheel, a basket of pine cones (nice for a winter wedding), a single flower or parasol.
You also have flexibility when it comes to the number of flower girls in your ceremony. There’s nothing wrong with having several flower girls, and if they vary in age, the older girls can help the little ones.
Getting Them Down the Aisle
It will be important to talk with the flower girl about her part in the wedding. The more you build up her importance before the big day, the more likely she’ll be to cooperate when the time comes.
"Kids love knowing they play a big role in such an important event,” Kelly Dellinger, owner and principal planner of Kelly Dellinger Events, told MarthaStewart.com. The more you can do to get them to look forward to walking down the aisle, the more likely they'll enjoy it and really get into it."
Also, if you and the girl’s parents give her some chances to practice, she’ll be more confident at your ceremony. Give her parents the song that will play when it’s time for her to walk, and ask them to have a few trial runs (walks) with it at home.
Even if all of your preparations go off without a hitch, it’s possible that stage fright will strike at the ceremony. Talk with the girl’s parents about having a treat ready for her at the end of the aisle; it may be just the enticement she needs to start her walking toward it.
A parent stepping in to accompany the girl can help, too, but if the girl still refuses to begin walking down the aisle, it’s better to graciously let her bow out.
Thanking Your Flower Girl
Consider getting your flower girl a gift to express your appreciation for her. Select something age-appropriate that matches her personality and interests. Or, you can give her something she can use into adulthood like a necklace or earrings.
It also would be nice to write a special note for your flower girl to tell her how happy you are that she was part of your wedding.
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