The time that spans between “Will you marry me” and “I do” can be one of the most joyful, memorable, and utterly stressful seasons you’ll experience.
On one hand, you’re preparing to celebrate and begin a shared life with the one you love. And on the other, the massive list of to-dos and overall pressure that come with planning a wedding can feel overwhelming.
When Mamamia, an Australian news group for women, asked 50 former brides what stressed them out during the time leading up to their weddings, nearly each of them described a different concern. Their answers ranged from finding the right dress and financial worries to creating a guest list and keeping family members happy.
So, if you’re dealing with feelings of anxiety about your upcoming nuptials, you’re not alone. And while there are no one-size-fits-all remedies to wedding-planning stress, we can offer a few suggestions that might at least help ease your tension and allow you to enjoy this time.
Set Your Priorities
The broad range of options available to couples today can be overwhelming, from venues to flowers, wedding rings to entertainment. And if you’re not sure what you want (whether that applies to your rings, your menu choices, your decor, or any number of possibilities) the choices get even harder.
Many wedding planners suggest beginning your planning by figuring out how you’d like to approach the major components of your wedding, including your ceremony, your venue(s), and your food. Give yourselves plenty of time to research your options, and talk about what you like and don’t like.
As you go through this process, ask yourself what’s most important to you, whether that’s infusing a bit of fun into the day, reflecting your personal values, or having a killer first dance, and aim for choices that will support those goals.
Once you have a better feel for what you want, the remaining research and preparations will be easier.
Figure Out What You Can Afford
Few things can generate more stress than money concerns, and if you spend more than you have, that aggravation will linger long after you exchange vows.
So before you start signing contracts and making purchases, work with your spouse-to-be on a budget.
This process goes hand-in-hand with setting your priorities. Figure out what you can spend as a whole and then identify the elements that are most important to you as you allocate funds for specific categories.
Maybe you want to splurge on a high-end videographer and an amazing live band. If that’s the case, set aside more for those elements, and budget for more modest expenditures in other areas.
Make Your List
Yes, a to-do list can be a source of stress, but it also can help alleviate it as you start checking off tasks.
Consider organizing tasks in order of importance, like scheduling your food tasting and interviewing photographers.
If smaller items, like buying bottles of bubbles for the grand exit or selecting favors, fall through the cracks, that won’t interfere with the overall joy of your big day.
Don’t Neglect Yourself
It’s only natural when we feel extra busy and pressed for time to let things like exercise, healthy food choices, and getting enough sleep slide. But, if anything, these things become even more important during the wedding planning period.
What’s more, self-care helps your mind and body combat stress. Exercise is particularly effective on that front.
We also suggest blocking off time for other things that you’ve found helpful during stressful periods in the past. That might be meditation, a bit of TV binging, or listening to your favorite music.
Don’t Feel Guilty About Saying ’No’
If there’s something you’ve been dreading, whether it’s the idea of a large, formal wedding or giving a speech, don’t feel bad about saying you want to do things differently.
As a recent One Fab Day blog notes, “If you think these moments might taint your day (or stress you out in the lead-up), find ways to ditch tradition and leave them out.”
Another option, if there’s something worrying you that you’d like to do, is to take steps to make it less daunting. If you’re worried about your first dance together, for example, consider taking dance lessons.
Don't be afraid to speak up if certain traditions or expectations don't align with your vision. Your wedding should reflect what you and your partner want. Focus on the elements that are meaningful and let go of the rest. Your family and friends are there to celebrate your love, not judge your adherence to tradition.
Prepare for Mishaps
Good wedding venues and event planners have emergency plans in place for when the unexpected inevitably takes place, and it wouldn’t hurt for you to follow their lead.
So, as you look at vendors and locations, look at multiple options in case your first choices fall through.
Consider packing an emergency wedding-day kit with stain remover, personal supplies, a sewing kit, and similar items.
Having a backup plan for transportation, an extra supply of decor items, and a contact list of last-minute replacement vendors can save you from major stress, too. Appoint a trusted friend or family member to handle any day-of issues so you can focus on enjoying yourself.
And, we highly recommend wedding postponement and cancellation insurance to help protect the money you invest in your event—and give you peace of mind.
Accept that something likely won't go exactly as planned, and keep perspective on what really matters: being surrounded by loved ones and officially marrying your partner.
Communicate with Family
Family expectations, from the type of ceremony you have to who you include on your guest list, can be major stressors. If you and your family have different viewpoints, it may be impossible to avoid some disagreements, but discussing everyone’s priorities and concerns early in the planning process can be helpful.
"I encourage couples to try their best to understand the priorities of [each] family, while also making their priorities known, as it is their wedding," wedding planner Jove Meyer told MarthaStewart.com.
Try to keep the conversation respectful, but at the same time, don’t be afraid to stand your ground.
Give Yourself Permission Not to Be Happy All of the Time
Our final words of advice: It’s perfectly OK to feel negative emotions from time to time as your wedding draws nearer. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your spouse-to-be or that you aren’t looking forward to being married. Being less than calm isn’t a sign of weakness.
The Bell Tower on 34th is an elegant wedding venue with customizable packages, suitable for big weddings or smaller, intimate events.
Our venue is in the greater Houston area near Cypress, TX.