The decision not to invite children to your wedding can be a difficult one. You may be worried that you’ll offend someone or appear insensitive.
But, restricting your wedding to adults is not considered unreasonable or poor etiquette. It’s not unkind to base your wedding plans on your vision and preferences. After all, it will be one of the most important days of your life.
With interest in this option on the rise, we’ve put together some insights, tips, and advice that will help you hold the adults-only wedding you want—and respect the needs and feelings of your wedding guests.
Is it common to have no kids at a wedding?
It may make you feel better to know that holding an adults-only wedding is not uncommon. In 2020, 16% of U.S. couples had an adults-only wedding, up from 9% in 2014.
Why Couples Opt for an Adult-Only Affair
In many cases, a couple's decision to hold an adults-only wedding is due to budget, space limitations, or the type of environment the couple hopes to create. In other cases, they may believe an adult-only affair is the best way to ensure relaxation and uninhibited revelry.
Here's a closer look at issues and preferences that influence couples' decisions to keep their wedding children free.
It helps them manage expenses.
Depending on the couple’s budget, they made be trying to limit their guest count.
Sometimes, limiting guests to an adult plus-one gives them the wiggle room to include more of the adults they want with them on their big day.
They have limited venue space.
If a couple has limited venue space, adults-only may be their only option. In this case, the guest count isn't the only factor. Generally, when couples are trying to accommodate children at their wedding, they offer spaces and activities just for them. If your wedding will take place in a more confined setting, an adults-only environment may be more comfortable for everyone present.
They don’t want interruptions.
Even when well-behaved children attend a wedding, there's a chance they'll get loud, cry, or have a tantrum during a key moment.
Preventing situations like that can help give couples peace of mind about their big day.
How Do You Politely Tell Wedding Guests You're Having An Adults-Only Wedding?
The biggest etiquette rule to keep in mind for an adult-only wedding is to make your intentions clear as soon as possible, beginning with your save-the-dates and wedding invitations.
You want to give parents with children as much time as possible to line up care for their children.
Here are our suggestions for approaching invitation wording, talking with immediate family, and answering questions.
Start by defining “adults only.”
One of the best ways to avoid miscommunications, confusion, and hurt feelings is to set a minimum age for guests to qualify as "adults." Some couples say 18; others select the legal drinking age: 21.
Add an extra layer of communication.
It might help to recruit your wedding party and immediate family to help get the word out about your plans to hold an adult-only wedding.
If they’re willing, and they understand your reasons for going this route, they also can help answer questions.
How should we approach our save-the-dates and wedding invitations?
Invitations are a source of angst for a lot of couples who want only adults at their wedding. "How to say adults only on wedding invite" is a heavily searched topic on Google.
This is one of those situations when you should look for and eliminate any wording that could be misunderstood. Instead of addressing the outer envelope of your wedding invitation to the “Jones Family,” for example, use the names of the adults who are invited: “Mr. and Mrs. Jones.”
When it comes it your wedding invitation wording (and the wording of your save-the-date), we suggest a polite, but firm, approach.
You don't necessarily have to include your reasons for holding an adults-only celebration. You do need to communicate clearly. For example, if you're allowing children at your wedding ceremony, but will be holding an adults-only reception, be specific about your plans.
Here are a few tried-and-true examples of appropriate adult-only wording for your invitation suite:
“We respectfully request no children under 18 (or 21) at the reception.”
"Please join us for an adults-only reception immediately following the ceremony."
“The bride and groom request that this be an adults-only reception.”
“Adult (21 and older) reception to follow.”
“Unfortunately we cannot accommodate children – thank you for your understanding.”
"We regretfully cannot accommodate children at this event."
"Due to limited space, we regretfully request no children at the reception."
“Although we adore your children, due to limited venue space, this is an adult only affair.”
Monitor Your RSVPs.
Even when you make every effort to communicate clearly, there is a possibility that guests will overlook your wording about no children attending. Watch for RSVPS that include entire families. If you receive one, call the parents and politely explain that your wedding will be an adults-only event.
Be ready to politely explain your reasons, from budget/space constraints to concerns about children being noisy. If someone says they won’t attend if their children cannot join them, be courteous about their decision.
Use your wedding website
Your website is a great communication tool; put it to work.
We suggest adding wording about the fact you are inviting only adults. This is a great spot for a FAQ section, too.
Possible questions and answers could include:
-What is your policy on children of immediate family?
The answer is your call. We will say, it’s best to apply your "adults only" policy equally across the board. If guests see some children at your wedding, and they lined up professional babysitters so they could join you on your wedding day, there could be hurt feelings.
-Can the wedding party bring their children?
Our thoughts about the immediate family question apply to this situation as well.
-Can children attend your ceremony?
The answer to this question ties in with your motivation for ensuring that only adults attend your wedding. If the idea of a child crying or speaking out when it's time to exchange vows keeps you up at night, state that the entire event is for adults only. If you’re more concerned about creating a formal, or party-like, vibe at your reception, you can always state that you're having an adult-only reception.
Another note about your wedding website. If your out-of-town guests include parents, even if you're holding an adults-only celebration, they may travel with their children. Consider providing information about professional babysitting services and family-friendly attractions in the area to make their lives easier.
(If your budget and venue space allows it, another option to build goodwill is to set aside an "only children" room or space, and pay for childcare. That makes attending easier and less stressful for parents and allows you to stick with your plans to keep your wedding children free.)
By communicating clearly, being polite, and doing as much as possible to meet the needs of guests with children, you can have a successful adults-only wedding that you and your guests will remember fondly.