When you see the term “wedding planning,” do images of a bride-to-be doing research, calling vendors, and scheduling time to visit the venues she’s considering?
It’s not uncommon for brides to assume a large portion of wedding planning duties, but saddling one person with most of the work is not necessarily ideal.
Wedding planning is joyful — but putting together a wedding is stressful, too. And if one partner feels like their soon-to-be spouse is letting them carry most of the load, it can create tension in their relationship. That’s the last thing a couple needs while they’re preparing to begin a life together.
Besides, there are plenty of upsides to a couple planning their wedding together. It keeps you and your partner on the same page about preferences and goals so you can make sure the resulting wedding is a reflection of the two of you as a couple. And, it encourages communication about spending decisions, meaning you’re more likely to stay within your budget.
So, here are some steps you can take to help ensure that you and your partner are, well, partners, throughout the process of planning your big day.
Talk about what you both have in mind. Be open about what your expectations are for your wedding and for one another. If one of you envisions something small and intimate, and the other wants to go all out, you’ll need to work together to find a solution that works for both of you. As for planning responsibilities, one partner may be assuming that the other wants to take control of the planning. Keep in mind that there are some tasks the two of you really should do together, like selecting your wedding bands.
Break down the to-dos. Planning a wedding can sound like one massive, overwhelming job, but in reality, it’s made up of many smaller tasks. Make a list of them together and talk about who’s willing to do what.
Be sure to talk about money. As you work out what you want for your wedding, you’ll need to know if your goals are financially doable. If you decide to let one element go to free up funding for something more important to the two of you, that will shape your planning process.
Find tasks that match your partner’s talents and interests. Is the groom-to-be a music fan? Maybe they can be in charge of researching entertainment. Or, maybe their way with words would make them a natural choice for writing invitations and your wedding website content. Someone with an artistic flair would be a great choice for finding, or even creating, unique decor for your reception.
Be flexible. If your partner really, really doesn’t want a specific task—or differs from you on how a certain aspect of your wedding should be approached—don’t let it become a major conflict. Maybe if you agree to be the one to handle a to-do your groom doesn’t want, you can find something else he can do instead. As for differing ideas for elements of your wedding, if it’s something that has great meaning to you, explain your feelings. Otherwise, pick your battles strategically.
Be there for one another. Another benefit of planning your wedding together is that it gives you an experience to share, something that’s uniquely yours. That’s a way to strengthen your relationship. And, both of you now have an empathetic source of encouragement and support when your planning duties become frustrating or exhausting. Remember, the two of you are in this together.
Overcoming Disagreements
Even with the best intentions, you and your partner may hit some bumps when wedding planning. Disagreements can happen over finances, guest lists, or wedding vision. But avoiding or prolonging conflict won't help. Here are tips on overcoming common planning disputes:
Listen First
If tensions rise, avoid snapping back. Listen to understand your partner's viewpoint first. Maybe certain traditions hold personal meaning you weren't aware of.
Compromise
You won't see eye-to-eye on everything. Be prepared to meet halfway sometimes. Compromise shows you respect each other's opinions.
Focus on What Matters
Minor details like invitation fonts can seem huge in the moment. But in retrospect, they likely won't matter. Redirect talks to your big-picture vision.
Give Yourselves a Break
Planning stress can make small issues blow up. Step back, regroup, grab some water, and don't plan for an hour.
Bring in a Mediator
When you've reached an impasse and can't get past it together, ask a neutral third party (like your officiant) to help you see each other’s perspectives and guide you toward resolution.
The goal is to focus on your marriage, not just your wedding day. Disagreements are normal, but overcoming them respectfully strengthens your foundation as a couple. Compromise when needed without abandoning what matters most in your wedding vision.
The Bell Tower on 34th is a Houston wedding venue dedicated to delivering excellent events that no one will ever forget.
Our venue, with full event-planning services, works regularly with recently engaged couples to help them create a wedding that matches their vision.
Learn more about holding a wedding here.
The Bell Tower on 34th
901 W 34th St, Houston, TX 77018
(713) 868-2355